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 This is my new grand scheme...

    Do you love AHEMM? Of course you do! Don't try to deny it, everybody loves AHEMM. You can't help it. It's like breathing or pooping.

    Now, do you want to help AHEMM take over the world, or at least become a real website with more than seven hits a week? Of course you do!  You would love to help make Anonymous J. Pseudonym a rich honkey muhfucka! How can you help, you ask? Here:

    In order to get more hits, AHEMM needs advertisement. There are many problems with traditional forms of advertisement. Namely, they cost money. Also, commercials are gay, T-shirts require work on my part, magazine and paper ads don't get read, and tattooing AHEMM.org on my forehead is likely to get me strange looks, and that's about it. So, I have found, through much excruciating and smelly research, fully backed by scientific fact and black magic markers, a method of FREE ADVERTISEMENT!

    Here's what you can do as a loyal slave of AHEMM.org: Find yourself the biggest, most indelible magic marker that exists. Go to a public restroom stall. Write AHEMM.org on the wall of the stall. If you want to get really creative, you can even add your own slogan or something. Draw some dirty pictures, maybe put one of those little ditties we always see in bathroom stalls, like "Here I sit, broken hearted, came to shit but only farted."

    This plan is brilliant on so many levels...Your artwork is sure to be seen by hundreds of redfaced, grunting, straining, defacating men or women. People don't have much to do while dropping bombs in the pond, so they read the walls. I know I do, anyway. Think of those shitty metal partitions as free billboard space, the cleaner the better, so your artwork stands out.

    What? You say that you don't want to be a vandal? Why the hell not? What the fuck is wrong with you? Fine. Here's some incentive: If you take a picture of your artwork, scan it into a computer, and email it to me, you get a chance of winning the big prize! In fact, since I expect no more than zero entries, if you send a picture, you are almost sure to win the big prize!

    What is the big prize? Well, it had to be free, and it had to be stupid, so my options were limited. The big prize for the AHEMM.org bathroom stall artwork contest is... AN AHEMM.org POP3 EMAIL ACCOUNT! Imagine, the glory of your name @ahemm.org! Confuse your friends, bewilder the ignorant, and feel uttlerly dumb with your obscure ahemm.org email address!

    This contest will be open until I get bored of it or until I get a picture or two.